


Don't Say a Word

by Moonspite



Series: Rotten Men, Grotesque Romance [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2331536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonspite/pseuds/Moonspite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by an OTPprompts thing on Tumblr. Co-written by my awesome RP partner!<br/>Kimbley accidentally turns himself invisible and messes with Archer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Say a Word

**Author's Note:**

> Audrey is awesome and so is FrankBley.

Kimbley told himself that he wouldn't play around with alchemical experimentation in Archer's house, but with no laboratory of his own to use, he had to make do with what space he had: the basement. After a couple hours of skimming through various formulas in the books he'd cracked open,he constructed an array, which he thought would result in a new kind of explosive. However, as soon as he activated the arcane circle with a clap of his hands, he knew something was terribly...off with his calculations.

A huge cloud of smoke billowed around him as his body shimmered like glitter. When it finally cleared, he looked down at himself, making sure nothing was missing, or if he was reduced to a pile of goo. He stared down at his hands in horror only to see that his hands were gone. In fact, all of him was -- with the exception of the clothes he wore.  
  
Oh--god. The _smell_ coming from that damned basement of his -- Archer was pretty /certain/ he had made it perfectly clear that Kimbley wasn't to experiment down there, but Frank supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. He turned at the doorknob---locked. But of course.

"Kimbley, damnit! What did I say about alchemy?" He yelled, hoping the convict would hear him through the door. Archer loved him dearly, but there were times when he questioned how much he'd put up with. This, of course, was one of those times.

Kimbley's eyes widened in fear as soon as he heard Archer's voice. There were few things in the world as scary as his lover when he was furious. Kimbley had to think quickly -- he barely even knew what was going on with his body. Fortunately, there was a big trough of water beside his work space that he used in case of a chemical spill.

Grabbing the edges of the container with his fingers, he peered down into its clear depths. Nothing. Kimbley's insides turned to ice. He swayed from side to side to elicit some kind of response from the water -- and then he finally understood. He could see the reflection of his white tank top in the tub. However, there was no time to experiment -- he could hear the pounding at the basement door. On a whim, Kimbley began tearing off his clothes until he was stark naked.  
  
Thankfully for Archer, the door was quite old, and soon burst open---he'd have to have Kimbley fix the knob back into place, once he found him. Stepping down the creaking stairs, he looks around---nobody. It was unnerving, to say the least, but Archer was never the type to get spooked easily. Finally, he spots Kimbley's dirty clothes on the floor and sighs.

"What the actual fuck, Zolf..." he mutters to himself. He's not exactly sure what kind of conclusion he's supposed to draw, here. "Zolf...?" He calls out, hoping for some kind of answer.

  
Kimbley stared on at Archer, confused. He waved a hand in front of his face to try and grab his attention before finally realizing that there was no hand to be seen, regardless of how hard he waved. Coming to this conclusion, a wicked grin spread across his face.

Tip-toeing up to his lover, Zolf was able to meet him face to face. He then decided to push his luck a bit further and flicked Archer's nose.  
  
His eyes widened in surprise. Did...something just hit his face....? Backing away, he grabbed at his nose. It didn't seem like anything was on it, but it had definitely taken him off guard. Had some bugs gotten into the basement? It wouldn't be surprising, at least -- what with Kimbley's experiments, and such.

Turning around to inspect the rest of the room, he saw nothing terribly out of the ordinary, save for the alchemic arrays.

"Kimbley, I swear to whatever higher powers exist -- answer me, or you'll be ordering takeout for the next _week_."

Kimbley supressed a giggle as hard as he could manage. Though the thought of Archer's cooking being refused to him was an awful threat, he found that the opportunity to wreak havoc on the household much more attractive.

Sneaking around behind Archer, he took things a step further and began to tickle his lover's sides. He'd keep this up for as long as he could. Not ticklish, Archer probably didn't react the way Kimbley wanted to -- unless, of course, what Kimbley wanted was an elbow to the ribs. Spinning around, he still saw nothing at all -- not even a sign of anyone around. But...there was definitely someone there. He wasn't just imagining having struck something -- or someone.

"Kimbley, if you're here and if you're listening, you are going to _regret_ this, I swear..." He huffed. "I'm starting to lose my patience."

Having had the wind knocked out of him, Kimbley fell to the floor with a thud. That was definitely a bruise. He'd forgotten how very strong his lover was and now he was paying the price for it. Gingerly, he got to his feet, breathing heavily. Oh, it was -on-, now.

Quickly, Kimbley stepped behind Archer once more and gave his butt a grab before moving away in order to avoid any blows that would come to him.  
Shiver running down his spine, Archer scowled. Oh, that's Kimbley, alright. Swinging to grab at him, he was met only with empty space. Wonderful. There was only one way to win this game: not to play it. Archer rolled his eyes.

"Fine. If you want to act like you're five, then _fine_. Keep playing hide and go seek, I don't care."

He started for the stairs. Kimbley may have been one hell of a crafty guy, but Archer was well aware of his greatest weakness: being ignored. Kimbley's shoulders fell in disappointment at the reaction he'd gotten. So much for playing around. Following after Archer, he grabbed hold of his lover's waist, digging his fingers under the hem of his pants before dragging them down. The intent wasn't even sexual; he was milking this opportunity to prank Archer for all it was worth.

Face red as a tomato, Archer gripped the railing tightly.

"Damnit, Kimbley! What the fuck are you even -- I don't know how you're doing this, but, ah--" He cuts himself short. No need to fan the flames, here.

"What is your intention here, even?! Of course, assuming it's _you_. I should hope it's not anyone else, here -- _touching me like this_."

  
Not even five seconds later, Kimbley's skin began to gain color again, the outlines of his limbs and torso forming. Not even realizing it, he slowly grew visible. And completely naked. Before he was able to notice it, Kimbley was able to complete one final act of silliness.

"Honk honk." He chuckled as he grabbed the right side of Archer's chest with his hand. It was then that he saw that his body was back to its original state.

"...Shit."  
  
"You _fucker_." Archer hissed, seeing the now-visible, tattooed hand. Turning his head around to see the revealed Kimbley, he scowled. "And _how_  did you manage to do that...? And did you honestly think you'd get away with it...?"

"Boss, I am _so_  sorry, uh." He steps back away, his voice trembling with fear. "Shit, uh. I just mixed some chemicals together for an array and shit -- thought I could create a new bomb. --And naw, I didn't. Or, uh. I thought I'd have this shit for a while."

"So instead, you decided to mess with me for a good ten minutes," he grumbled, quite clearly upset. He'd mention the whole nude bit later; now was for more more important things. "You know, I was actually quite worried about you, for a bit. Look what that got me..."

"Look, I'm real sorry about gettin' you all worried...that was shitty of me, but. C'mon, what would you have done with ten friggin' minutes of invisibility shit? You'da messed with _me_ , right?" Kimbley didn't even bother to collect his clothes.

"Probably not, no -- I'm not you, Zolf." He sighs, before giving him a iss on the cheek. "I was serious about dinner, though. --And good luck finding anywhere decent, at this hour." Frankly, even though he was upset -- he was just glad Kimbley is safe and sound.

Though a little disappointed about getting to miss dinner tonight, Kimbley let out a sigh of relief at not receiving a worse punishment. He threw his arms around Archer, returning the kiss. "Well, hey man, that's cool, uh. ...Shit, does that mean I have to cook, or am I barred from all food in the house?"

"I should let you starve, but I love you too much," he replies, returning Kimbley's embrace. "You're lucky you're so handsome and charming---I would have left you to the dogs a million times over, were you not."

  
Honestly, he'd still plenty enjoy cooking Kimbley something, really -- but he had to stick to his word, lest Kimbley stop taking his threats seriously.

"Can't live with me, can't live without me. Boss, lemme cook for you for a change. Make this whole thing up to ya." Kimbley gave Archer a genuine smile, giving him the most charming look he could muster.

"Depends -- you planning on cooking naked, Zolf...?" He snickered as if this whole fiasco never happened at all. It was difficult to stay mad at Kimbley, after all. "Sure. So long as you don't burn it. Despite what you may think, I'm not picky."

"Oh, shit." Releasing Archer from his hug, he momentarily peered down at himself before scampering off to retrieve his clothes. "I mean, hey I can cook naked if ya want, but. If I'm gonna fix somethin' like bacon, I'ma need to wear some kind of shirt."

"I'm fine for whatever you'd like to make," he smiled. Kissing Kimbley again, he starts heading back up the stairs once more. "I hope you appreciate that I love you quite unconditionally. Were you anyone else, you'd still be with Greed. Imagine that -- still living as a 'possession'."

Kimbley paused for a beat before pulling his shirt on, a sense of discomfort filling him. "...You wouldn't leave me, would you?" His mouth went dry as he grew more and more anxious.

"Never." He says with total certainty, not even a pause to think. "All teasing aside, Zolf -- you mean the world to me. As you say, if we were the only two people left in the world, I'd be just fine with that."

Soothed by this answer, Zolf let out a deep breath. He was aware of how dependent he was on his partner. "Ah -- thanks, man. Hey, I'll be up in a minute, yeah?"

"No problem," he replied, smiling at his love. As obnoxious as Kimbley could be, Archer loved him dearly. He was quite literally his other half, after all. He walked up the stairs and to the kitchen, patiently awaiting his meal. Truthfully, whatever Kimbley cooked, he'd eat it, no matter how bad it was.


End file.
